Monday, March 30, 2009
Am sorry.. babies suck!!
ever since I became a father, I laugh internally when I hear people say stuff like, I am not ready to be a father.
Who truly is? Lord knows I wasn't. I thought I was and was a very willing participant in the process but now I hold my lil pretty one in my hands, I mourn for what I lost.
I miss the spontaneity. the sheer get up and go possibilities that I had before. The funny thing was that I had mourned the loss of my single spontaneity. Now, I miss the spontaneity of being married with no child.
I think what annoys me the most is the degree of difficulty certain things have become because I have a child now.
The husband /wife dynamic totally changes. I now refer to Childbirth as the Great reset. Any decisions, discussions, plans or deals made before the baby are subject to change.
I miss my pre baby wife. This new one was unexpected.
That is the key isn't it? All of this is unexpected. I don;t care how "ready" you think you are. It is all unexpected. You might "know" what you will expect but the experience is different for everyone.
I knew that the relationship between my spouse and I will change but I didn't realize how much I would miss the old relationship. I didn't think that I would feel it so sharply.
I miss my pre baby life.
Now some might consider this whiny.I can't unmake my child and I can't go back in time. These things I miss, exist in the past. All I can do is forge forward wit hmy new reality.
People say that the first few years in their marriage was hard. Mine were very easy and wonderful. Maybe it is time for me to work harder in my marriage and buil don the foundation we had in the initial years.
Love still fills my home. I love wifey and my child can be a joy to behold. I just have this new reality that I need to forge into something wonderful.
I will not sacrifice my marriage for my child. I will love my wife and my child and we will all grow together for it.
Thank you for listening to me bitch. I guess for the first time in my marriage, I now have to actively work on sculpting it to something wonderful. I am lucky in that respect.
Some might think I wish I could have delayed having kids with all the complaining I am doing. I had them at the right time as far as I am concerned. if I could have had them earlier, i would have.
Lie to me!!
Don't get me wrong. As a guy, I have less stories on MY rotation so I am sure my girl has had to weather thru the same " the day I became a real Man" story 11- 120 times.
That aside, the answers to "How was your day?" are the issue here. After 2-3 years of hearing "fine" or "ok" or " great" start to get on your nerves.
Wifey comes home from the grocery stores and all she has in her story basket is some chick mistaken our baby girl for a guy. That is it.
I asked " what did you say to her?"
"Nothing" she replied, I walked off.
BooooooooooooooRING.....
I am sure she LOOVES to hear my stories about how my customers were upset that they didn't have 24/7 access to the internet or my meetings with my boss that went very well.
"How was your meeting?"
"It went well. We came up with some good action points and left with a consensus of what needs to be done at the blah... blah blah blah.."
BooooooRrrring......
You start to look at your spouse and think "Why doesn't anything interesting happen to you?" "Why don't you get kidnapped or something and come back to tell us about it?!!"
Anything!! Just don't came back from work to hear that nothing interesting happened.
So it came to me today. How about we spice up our life by lying about it?? Seriously! What harm would there be if we did. At least we could weave a great yarn that will entrance our listeners for the day.
Maintain the lie as long as you can. It will be fun that way.
Imagine the grocery story with embellishments.
"Honey , can you believe that someone say our baby with the pink bow in her head and STILL called her a boy??!!"
"Wow, what did you say to her??"
"I grabbed her hair and pulled it as close to the baby carrier and demanded that she apologize to my baby girl for her insults!! When she struggled, I slapped her 3 times and dropkicked her into the frozen food section!!!"
"Holy crap!! u r awesome!!!"
Now tell me that doesn't brighten up your evening with that story. Now wifey and I can cuddle by the TV, anticipating a SWAT team knocking on our door. If that isn't exciting, I don't know what to tell you.
What about my Boss meeting story?
" Honey , how was your meeting with your boss?"
Awesome!! My CEO and 3 VPs joined the meeting on a whim and congratulated me on a fantastic job so far. They wanted to reward me with a 5% raise and I told my CEO to kiss my ass with that pansy raise. One of the VP tried to reprimand and I told HIM to suck it!!"
"Wow, incredible!! what did they say to that??!!"
"The CEO was impressed and praised my huge cojones and gave me a 200% raise!!! "
"Wow Awesome baby, I love you even more!!!"
Go ahead, try it out. Take a normal, mundane day and spin a great lie about it. Give your spouse one exciting story for the day. It might not be true but it sure will beat the usual crap we say.
I feel bad for the old geezer racists
Being able to scare away black families with a brightly lit cross, some choice words, harassment and still make it in time to be an usher for the Wednesday bible study at Church.
Those great days when there were still enough overt legal Jim crow laws being enforced to allow old racists to still feel that Negroes knew their places. A negro could be free but if he didn’t have a job, correct papers, the right color shoes and looked suspicious, they locked him up a jail and made him work his sentence in "prison farms".
I am sure they all curse the name of MLK. "MLK messed that up" they mutter in their soup .
Civil rights movement really pushed those old "string a nigger up" days out of their social calendar. Bear in mind, they were still doing it but skulking into the dark woods just didn’t have the same panache as a Main street lynching.
Even though I am sure they sent copious thank you cards and poured liquor out to the idiot that killed James Byrd in Texas over there. Something to the effect that he was old skool with his negro relationship skills.
In 2009, they must just HATE life. Especially when they turn on TV. Every new channel every day talking about it. It must suck old geezer donkey balls.
" A black president??? U must be freaking kidding me??!! Every time I see him on TV, I spit out my teeth, then change the channel and have to get my jamaican nurse to drain my colostomy bag."
Hurry up and Die racists. I hope your health insurance agent is black as well. I am sorry, I take that back. I hope you all live a very long time and may all your daughters marry a man from another race.
Have some more black eyed pea soup.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Been a long time..
Wow, it has been along time. I have actually been on face book for awhile now. I guess I fashied this side for the new hotness but I am back now because I realized that this blog here is Mine and alone.
It might not have the viewership I have on facebook but it will allow me to say what I want and when I want.
I am going to transfer some of my notes to blogspot over the next 2-3 days. there will be a lot of new content for any none FB people so hopefully you can enjoy.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
How screwed are we?
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
My parents are crazy and I blame my baby!!!
I mean, my mommy raised me in freaking Warri!! Mosquito ridden warri. Yeah I lived in Shell Camp but mosquitos full ground. Malaria everywhere.
No car seat, childproofing of homes and yet I don’t understand how I could have survived my first 2 months with the way doctors talk about taking children outside in the US! In the US, we have people that don’t let their children out of their apartments for 3 months cuz of the freaking germs outside. How do Nigerian babies survive with those terminator mosquitos out there??
The same mommy that took her 2 week child on an intl plane trip now thinks that taking my child out for a walk is dangerous. Let’s see. A sealed airborne tube of germ filled folks all stuck together for the next 15 hours breathing recycled air versus a walk outside a nice house?
You know how I know that parents are crazy? I made this argument and I was told that these are different times then. Obviously the germs in the 70s were nicer to their elders and didn’t talk about to them as well. **sigh*
It took me a while to not grind my teeth when my parents said stuff like”be careful with my child!!” as I carried her. Your child? Your child?
I didn't understand how much of a crossroads having a child is. All of a sudden, the notion of protecting my family becomes starkly evident. The realization that I can and Will lay ANYONE out if they do anything harmful to my children is suprising.
If my dad went nuts and tried to hurt my girl, he is getting dropkicked in the chest.
My mom? Clothesline off the turnbuckle.
Father in law? Super suplex with a DDT.
Mother in law? Figure 4 leg lock with... u get the picture right?
I don't know if there is a way to negotiate thru the expectations of parents without hurting feelings or worse.
There is something about a child that brings up all these desires for their grand child and they turn this very critical eye on their Grown Ass Children to see if they are up to the task of raising the new born.
God forbid, the G.A.C does, says, thinks or attempts something that they feel is NOT provider material.
God help you because it WILL happen, watch out!!
Never has a critical eye being placed on my financial situation like it has now that I am a father. I swear, I felt like I needed to submit a credit report to my parents and explain to them why I don’t have a perfect score and what made me think that I could bring a child into this world with this score??
Now, the big one is house work. Most Parents will arrive at a child house and declare it filthy and sparkle the hell out of it. When single, that stuff is freaking awesome. I truly recommend that u get your mom to come over and clean your apt and as soon as she leaves, you move out to a new one. That is the only way you will see any cents of that security deposit.
When married, it is a tad embarrassing especially if the parents blame your spouse for the current condition of the house. Usually they will blame me for my slovenly ways and spend their time cackling about how horrible picking up underwear is.
When married with child, it is a whole ball of wax. Every dust ball is a crime against humanity. Soiled laundries are indication to call Child protection Services and god forbid, dirty dishes stay for more than a day…
I can take most of this stuff because it is based out of a desperate love for my child. They mean well. They do. Thy have to carry and hold my kid for a short period of time before they have to go back to their lives elsewhere. Instead of holding on to my child when they want to take her from me, I should give her to them. I will have a lot more hugs than they will ever have in their lifetime plus they are old already. I need to see some things from their POV.
One thing did upset me soo much . I don’t know how else I should feel about it but when parents try to physically protect their grandkids from their parents, I see red. When they take it upon themselves that THEY know what is better for the child than I do. It is like their love has been tainted by the dark side.
I would make a Wheel of Time reference ( Saidar/saidin) but the geek police will taser me.
I love my parents but that is too much. You don’t get many opportunities to dropkick a father in the chest. Please don’t tempt me pops.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Why are Computers stil Slow???!!!!
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
My fears of a Father
It isn't the loss of disposable income that occurs when a child now demands non soiled diapers and stuff like fresh new baby clothes. I am good with that.
It isn't the fear of not been able to view my wife the same sexy hot way she is before she delivers that baby. I have seen the birthing video and I think i am over this fear. Plus I read of a family that the woman has given birth to 18 kids. Obviously the female vagina is a soldier and laughs off the effects of one,2, 3, 12 birthing.
http://www.duggarfamily.com/photos.html
If a christian man can look at his wife after 15 kids and still think " I would like to tap that God given Ass sideways" then I should honor his christian example and represent. This guy takes Psa 127:3 very literally.
My biggest fear is that my marriage will suffer. I have had people tell em that they have ignored each other Just for the kids. I have seen women express outrage that one should love their husband more than their kids, I have heard a man say that he will divorce his wife before he will part company with his child. All these are powerful expression of their love for thei kin but I cring everytime I hear that.
I love my wife. She is the best decision I ever made in my life and a pretty Hot one too. I have yet to meet another woman that I could look at and say "Gee, I wish my wife was like that"
I have seen a couple of stunners and magnificent racks and booties since I have gotten married but they seem to enjoy designer handbags, shopping at Neiman Marcus and abhor sweat in ANY form. I say, any woman that can rivals my wife and isn't married is either an awesome chick with a vow of celibacy OR a state of art cyborg from the future.
I don't want to lose us. It is very precious to me.
Gas breaking Point - My Predictions
$6.33- $7.67/gallon. In other words, equilibrium. When the US is on par with Europe in gas prices, we will watch a nation break.
At that price, people with small to medium sized sedans with 13-15 gallons tank will pay $100 for gas.
SUV will guzzle $126- 152 per filling. it wont matter if the car does 20 miles per gallon. More than a $100 each filling will literally kill families off.
Imagine, the regular family that lives in the suburbs, 25-40 miles from where Dad work cuz this is where he can buy a house. throw in groceries run, soccer practices, church, movies and eating out, we are easily filling up every week. $504- $608 a month for just gas.
Remember, at $7.6 per gallon, even a Toyota Yaris will cost almost a $100 to fill up. Even if you fill out 3 times a week, that still comes to $378 a month.
This amount is rivaling many car payments people can make these days. If you are unlucky enough to pay more than $400 a month for your car loan, then congratulations.. you are royally getting a hosing.
Most people live check to check right now so how much more can we take?
Things can get scary real quick. The US has the innovation to go greener and push for alternate forms of transportation. Public transportation can only take you so far especially in places like Texas.
Motorcycles makers are rubbing their hands and laughing maniacally.
Hi Definition and Pron
Sports is soo cool especially football. Seeing the whole field and being able to tell a first down even before the refs can is pretty cool. Closeups of replays are also awesome. Basketball is equally cool too. Being able to see EVERY sweat drop is pretty useless but cool nonetheless.
Isn't there a great irony in that porn revels in showing the most intimate of acts for viewing and yet a medium that shows more gives them pause? I thought that porn might play a role in helping selecting the next HD format but it looks like the studios dealt the killing blow this time. Maybe Porn has grown too much and become so much corporation to innovate like it used to.
Friday, June 06, 2008
Perception and how it shapes your world.
So after going out with a friend and shopping for gifts for their friend's bridal shower, she comes home and regales me of what they saw and what they considered buying. Now, on almost ANY other situation, she will not step into those freaky sex stores. Something about a bridal shower makes her hit pause on that inhibition and have fun.
Maybe she knows how freaky I am and thinks that walking with me to a freaky sex store will be like giving a Limeade Addict a swimming pool full of chilled Limeage and a rubber hose. I can understand that..
the real story is from her friend Nkiru and our mutual friend Obi's conversation.
nkiru- ... so we went into this freaky sex store and Funke was all so excited to pick out a freaky gift
obi- funke picks out freaky gifts??? REALLY?
nkiru- oh hell yeah!! she always lookign for the craziest gift to buy for bridal showers.
obi- So funke gives freaky girst.. I didn't see that coming..
***short pause**
obi- So Nkiru, What exactly is Funke's flaw??
nkiru- ummm, i don't know right now.
When I head this story, I just danced. When folks have diffculty finding a flaw then u know u have done a good thing. Vindication!! my wife picking skills are peerless!!!
How close are we to bankruptcy.
As long as the money that comes in meets your minimum neccesary expenses then you are golden. If it doesn't then what??
The notion of not being able to handle your regular costs with looming CC debts must be freaking daunting. I don't envy people going thru that.
If you have charged, the TV, furniture, clothes and car, what happens when your money is short? U still have to pay your CC bills and still find food to eat.
What about folks that supplement their income using CCs. I swear a good amount of folks at my old job were doing that. I mean, their houses HAd to have cost them their almost entire monthly paycheck. Where is the gas money going to come out off?
What can they cut off? I am scared for this country because I dont know how ready they are for hardship.Shoot, I dont know if I am ready for hardship.
Check this out. Essentially, gas has gone up more than 50% in the last 2-3 years and the demand hasn't changed accordingly.
This stuff is real people. OPEC has the US over it's lap and is taking it's time choosing what sports equipment to stick up the US's butt.
In Texas, Folks HAvE to drive. Surburbia has had folks living an hour from work and commuting to work. Single parent familes are on the rise so we have working women that have to pay for daycare, drive kids around and still get to and fro work. Coworker of mine fills up every 4 days. $95. Go ahead, do the maths. dat's $665 a month and I am being conservative.
She is the exception rather than the rule. Most people can't handle that. She can. Hell, I dunno if i can do that.
I am curious to see where the breaking point will be. This is looking to be a perfect storm. High gas prices, falling home values, rising cost of food.
How much will gas, food and the economy go south before people realize that this shit can get drastic?!!
How will it take before enough people realize that buyign a luxury car that demands Premium is not a good look for your wallet. Oh well, I guess they will simply fill up the car with the Credit card.. sigh..
p.s U know what? Nigerians laugh at Americans complaining about money but Naija folks deal with str8t cash right? At least more so than the US. Build a house, u own it. Car? u own it. So if you lose your job or business, u have the car as your property. Try that in the US.
I will not be ignored
I don't want none doting on me. Shoot, u don't have to make me dinner every night. I survived without a woman outside college and I did fine by myself. All I want is acknowledgement.
That child that everyone will be cooing is created due to me. No, I didn't carry the child but I am JUSt as important in the process as the woman. Don't believe me? GO ask those single parents out there if a Dad for lil Shola.
let's face it, I like being the central focus. Maybe I shouldn't have had a child. I know I can live my life simply about me but living for something other than me is the way to go. My heart says so. I guess my biggest fear is that my spouse will get all her emotional sustenance from caring this child and only give me the dregs.
Here is something I don't agree about that people tell me.
My life should revolve ALL about the child. That is wrong. I want to pour my lfe into my child but I want to keep some of my life left for me. I need life for me. My wife needs life for her.
I can't live all my life through my children. that shit isn't healthy. They are my children right? If I love them, care for them, pray for them and provide for them, I am doing better than 80% of the world population. If you don't believe me, check the specs of world poverty.
We do STUPID stuff and salve our consciences by saying" Oh it is for the kids.." No it is stupid and u shouldn't have done it for the child that might not even appreciate it.
These children will leave me one day and I will be alone AGAIN with my wife and I will be damned if I now have to figure out how to live alone with my wife!! I married her for her not her ovaries. I WILL not beshuttled aside contantly ignored becuase the kids are calling.
My children will wait for me dammit.
Now I realize Ihave folks shaking their heads saying stuff like
"He doesn't know.. what til he gets that child" it may be so but I have heard that shit all my life.
I don't need a 2000 sq ft house for my children. I don't need a Minivan or a SUV to cart my kids around. I don't need to take out a loan so that they can go to private school. If I can afford it, GReat. If not, then they go to Public school and we give them extra homework.
What I want is a wonderful kid that loves his Mommy and Daddy. I want to invest in my kid's life and make sure that He or she grows up to a great person that bring life to other people.
I love my wife and I Know that when I married her, I knew that I would still be in love with her if she gave me no kids. Call me Draconian,old school, misguided all u want but I will not be ignored.
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
I need my crack!!
This was a full blown, New jack City, Boyz in the Hood addicted. I needed it. I wanted it.
Remember that cat from Boyz in the Hood? Come on baby.. I will do anything. I will s...." Well maybe NOT that bad but it wasn't a coincidence that people referred to Limeade as my "crack".
I have used many words to describe my like for lemonade. Drink of du jour. favorite flavor, taste that slaps me on the face. it didn't matter as long as I got me some Limeade cartoons every time the wifely unit cruised by the grocery store.
I even had a Limeade radar. As I drove by the store, i would go and buy a cartoon as so. JUST in case, my supply is running low at home and I needed a re-up.
**today's The Wire reference was brought to you by the Makers of Minute MAid Limeade. DRINK IT!!**
I would drink it if it had a limeade base to it. Alcohol? Lime flavored alcohol?? AM there!!! Lime flavored hookah?? HELL YEAH!!
I remember being agitated during meals because I didn't have Limeade with my steak and i contemplated running quickly to the store to grab a couple cartons. One might think that is no big deal but when the spousal unit declares the feeding time, Any attempts to leave the table are punished with flying cutlery.
Say what u want but a flying spoon can be freaking deadly to an eye. Don’t get me started on her fork throwing skills.
But I digress...
I didn't know when to stop. 5 glasses of Limeade, 6 glasses. 1 carton and a half in one day. It all depended on how I felt. Of course, no stomach can handle that much sweet and sour before the bowel launching a revolution.
It took 2 insurrections before I realized that
I had a problem. I couldn’t stop sipping on the stuff. I needed to get control of this. If not for me but for my kid!! I needed to be strong for the kid.
What kind of role model would I be if he saw me curled up at the corner, drooling, rocking back and forth from a sugar crash?? Desperately grabbing his bib to suck some of the sweet sweet baby formula out..
So I decided to stop. Cold turkey. Knock limeade off my diet for the foreseeable future. Quit. Take control of myself. Break the Habit.
That lasted 2 hours then I got restless. Agitated. No idea why at first but I couldn't sit still. I didn’t have anywhere to go but I needed to do something. I started cleaning stuff.
Re-arranging paper on my computer desk.
Cleaned out my car.
Alphabetized my graphic novel bookshelf.
Organized my DVD collection in alphabetically with attention to genre consideration.
After doing all that, I sat on the couch looking longingly at my tooe nails wishing that I could bite them. it was THEN i realized how much trouble I was in...
I don't know the limits of my willpower but I knew I was setting myself up for failure. I had to face the fact that I was a Limeade sugar crack fiend and needed to be weaned off the drug not cold turkey.
At this rate, I would be polishing the metal railings on the first floor of my apt building. I live in the 4th so you figure out how crazy that is.
I needed a sugar methadone pill . Something sweet yet not my crack. Something that I might use to get my thru these tough times.
Wifely unit to the rescue!! Faux chocolate drink with sugar free sugar. Ordinarily, it would have tasted like Sugar free ass but THIS time. it was like frenching the goddess of Sugar and bliss. I sucked up that scalding, taste bud, searing, hot cup like it was the last thing I could ever drink. I was sated.
I went to sleep. I think I am better now. I am not as restless. Even though, my work desk hasn't been this clean. My boss took notice when I whipped out the wood polish and start working on a dull part of the table that my monitor has scraped raw.
I think I will be ok.. I think i will.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Not posted in a while.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Today's WTF???
OPENHAGEN -- Hot on the heels of San Francisco and London, Copenhagen is to host a Masturbate-a-Thon in May which organizers hope will help break lingering taboos about self-love, an organizer said Wednesday.
Pia Struck Madsen, a sexologist in the Danish capital, said her goal was to see men and women from all backgrounds come together -- pardon the pun -- and join an event that promises "pleasure, relaxation and sexual self-discovery".
"Masturbation is positive, safe and an erotic alternative," she told AFP ahead of the event on May 31, to take place at a yet-to-be-decided venue with separate rooms for men, women and those who don't mind mingling.
The original Masturbate-a-Thon took place in San Francisco in 1998, with participants raising money for good causes. Now an annual event, it was followed by a similar event in London in July 2006.
I tell u folks, u can't make this shit up.
Monday, January 07, 2008
Friday, October 19, 2007
Iphone thots.
The battle to unlock the phone has been pretty fierce. I had predicted a new market of Iphone unlocking businesses and soon enough we had the first Iphone sw unlock. I will not give you the links but go to gizmodo.com and search for Iphone. LOTS of info there. Infact, they have a filter to remove all Iphone posts for folks sick of the iphone jibber jabber.
Anyway, Apple released a new update that caused sw unlocked iphones to be useless! ! TORPEDO and the sw unlock biz gets shot to death.
Apple has been very protective of the Iphone. I will not use the other words that people have used but suffice to say they were a lot stronger. "No 3rd party apps" they said initially.
Now they intend to ease that door open a little bit more. I don't know why they didn't tihnk to do this. FOlks would pay to have that nw fangled prog on their Iphone. These folks already paid $500 for their phone anyway..
DOnt get m started on the Iphone credit. That was brilliant.
Anyway, I still haven't gotten a Iphone cuz I am not crazy enuf to spend that much money on a phone. I also can't switch networks.. I will bid my time. A better Iphone will arise and when it meets my terms, I will pounce. til then, I will lust from a distance.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Crank that Lion King???
Seriously.. what is next? Crank that Alien vs Predator?
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Do i really need to say much about this. Doesn't the pictures speak for themselves???? Oneof those days, i am soo glad I had a camera with me. Do the flames indicate speed or the dark fires of hell as he crusies down the interstate? I wish I knew the owner. I would hope it would a jolly fellow with a sense of humor. If he turned out to be a goth, not so funny after all.