Friday, June 06, 2008

I will not be ignored

You know what? Screw this!! I am no wise man in my old age but I know one thing. Stuff isn't how folks always make it out to be. I am having a child and I don't see why I have ACCEPT being a second class citizen in my own home.

I don't want none doting on me. Shoot, u don't have to make me dinner every night. I survived without a woman outside college and I did fine by myself. All I want is acknowledgement.

That child that everyone will be cooing is created due to me. No, I didn't carry the child but I am JUSt as important in the process as the woman. Don't believe me? GO ask those single parents out there if a Dad for lil Shola.

let's face it, I like being the central focus. Maybe I shouldn't have had a child. I know I can live my life simply about me but living for something other than me is the way to go. My heart says so. I guess my biggest fear is that my spouse will get all her emotional sustenance from caring this child and only give me the dregs.

Here is something I don't agree about that people tell me.
My life should revolve ALL about the child. That is wrong. I want to pour my lfe into my child but I want to keep some of my life left for me. I need life for me. My wife needs life for her.

I can't live all my life through my children. that shit isn't healthy.  They are my children right? If I love them, care for them, pray for them and provide for them, I am doing better than 80% of the world population. If you don't believe me, check the specs of world poverty.

We do STUPID stuff and salve our consciences by saying" Oh it is for the kids.." No it is stupid and u shouldn't have done it for the child that might not even appreciate it.

These children will leave me one day and I will be alone AGAIN with my wife and I will be damned if I now have to figure out how to live alone with my wife!! I married her for her not her ovaries. I WILL not beshuttled aside contantly ignored becuase the kids are calling.

My children will wait for me dammit.

Now I realize Ihave folks shaking their heads saying stuff like
"He doesn't know.. what til he gets that child" it may be so but I have heard that shit all my life.

I don't need a 2000 sq ft house for my children. I don't need a Minivan or a SUV to cart my kids around. I don't need to take out a loan so that they can go to private school. If I can afford it, GReat. If not, then they go to Public school and we give them extra homework.

What I want is a wonderful kid that loves his Mommy and Daddy. I want to invest in my kid's life and make sure that He or she grows up to a great person that bring life to other people.

I love my wife and I Know that when I married her, I knew that I would still be in love with her if she gave me no kids. Call me Draconian,old school, misguided all u want but I will not be ignored.

2 comments:

chi-grace said...

I know you dont want to hear it...
...when the kid gets here, you will see things differently....esp if he/she is a replica of you!!!
Let us know when he/she gets here ooo!
Stay blessed

Spiritual Ninja said...

Maybe so...i tihnk if I feel very connected to the child then I will be fine.