Am sorry.. babies suck!!

sometimes....

ever since I became a father, I laugh internally when I hear people say stuff like, I am not ready to be a father.

Who truly is? Lord knows I wasn't. I thought I was and was a very willing participant in the process but now I hold my lil pretty one in my hands, I mourn for what I lost.

I miss the spontaneity. the sheer get up and go possibilities that I had before. The funny thing was that I had mourned the loss of my single spontaneity. Now, I miss the spontaneity of being married with no child.

I think what annoys me the most is the degree of difficulty certain things have become because I have a child now.

The husband /wife dynamic totally changes. I now refer to Childbirth as the Great reset. Any decisions, discussions, plans or deals made before the baby are subject to change.

I miss my pre baby wife. This new one was unexpected.

That is the key isn't it? All of this is unexpected. I don;t care how "ready" you think you are. It is all unexpected. You might "know" what you will expect but the experience is different for everyone.

I knew that the relationship between my spouse and I will change but I didn't realize how much I would miss the old relationship. I didn't think that I would feel it so sharply.

I miss my pre baby life.

Now some might consider this whiny.I can't unmake my child and I can't go back in time. These things I miss, exist in the past. All I can do is forge forward wit hmy new reality.

People say that the first few years in their marriage was hard. Mine were very easy and wonderful. Maybe it is time for me to work harder in my marriage and buil don the foundation we had in the initial years.

Love still fills my home. I love wifey and my child can be a joy to behold. I just have this new reality that I need to forge into something wonderful.

I will not sacrifice my marriage for my child. I will love my wife and my child and we will all grow together for it.

Thank you for listening to me bitch. I guess for the first time in my marriage, I now have to actively work on sculpting it to something wonderful. I am lucky in that respect.

Some might think I wish I could have delayed having kids with all the complaining I am doing. I had them at the right time as far as I am concerned. if I could have had them earlier, i would have.