Perception and how it shapes your world.

I love my wife. She is awesome. The best!!! I have had one hater that said something bad about her but otherwise folks find her wonderful to be with. My wife loves giving freaky gifts in bridal showers. Now, this is weird cuz she comes across as VERY non freaky. No vulgar language at all. NO indication that she will spring a leather dominitrix bra with ass less panties for her girl at a bridal shower. Maybe that is why she does that.

 So after going out with a friend and shopping for gifts for their friend's bridal shower, she comes home and regales me of what they saw and what they considered buying. Now, on almost ANY other situation, she will not step into those freaky sex stores. Something about a bridal shower makes her hit pause on that inhibition and have fun.

Maybe she knows how freaky I am and  thinks that walking with me to a freaky sex store will be like  giving a Limeade Addict a swimming pool full of chilled Limeage and a rubber hose. I can understand that..

the real story is from her friend Nkiru and our mutual friend Obi's conversation.

nkiru- ... so we went into this freaky sex store and Funke was all so excited to pick out a freaky gift
obi- funke picks out freaky gifts??? REALLY?
nkiru- oh hell yeah!! she always lookign for the craziest gift to buy for bridal showers.
obi- So funke gives freaky girst.. I didn't see that coming..

***short pause**

obi- So Nkiru, What exactly is Funke's flaw??
nkiru- ummm, i don't know right now.


When I head this story, I just danced. When folks have diffculty finding a flaw then u know u have done a good thing. Vindication!! my wife picking skills are peerless!!!

How close are we to bankruptcy.

How close are we to bankruptcy? So many people in this country can't do without. You don't need to. Not enough cash for a TV? No problem. Slap that sucker on a credit card and pay it off for the next 3 years. As long as you make your monthly payments of $15, you will be good for the next 10-15 yrs.

As long as the money that comes in meets your minimum neccesary expenses then you are golden. If it doesn't then what??

The notion of not being able to handle your regular costs  with looming CC debts must be freaking daunting. I don't envy people going thru that.

If you have charged, the TV, furniture, clothes and car, what happens when your money is short? U still have to pay your CC bills and still find food to eat.

What about folks that supplement their income using CCs. I swear a good amount of folks at my old job were doing that. I mean, their houses HAd to have cost them their almost entire monthly paycheck. Where is the gas money going to come out off?

What can they cut off? I am scared for this country because I dont know how ready they are for hardship.Shoot, I dont know if I am ready for hardship.

Check this out. Essentially, gas has gone up more than 50% in the last 2-3 years and the demand hasn't changed accordingly.

This stuff is real people. OPEC has the US over it's lap and is taking it's time choosing what sports equipment to stick up the US's butt.

In Texas, Folks HAvE to drive. Surburbia has had folks living an hour from work and commuting to work. Single parent familes are on the rise so we have working women that have to pay for daycare, drive kids around and still get to and fro work. Coworker of mine fills up every 4 days. $95. Go ahead, do the maths. dat's $665 a month and I am being conservative.

She is the exception rather than the rule. Most people can't handle that. She can.  Hell, I dunno if i can do that.

I am curious to see where the breaking point will be. This is looking to be a perfect storm.  High gas prices, falling home values, rising cost of food.

How much will gas, food and the economy go south before people realize that this shit can get drastic?!!

How will it take before enough people realize that buyign a luxury car that demands Premium is not a good look for your wallet. Oh well, I guess they will simply fill up the car with the Credit card.. sigh..

p.s U know what?  Nigerians laugh at Americans complaining about money but Naija folks deal with str8t cash right? At least more so than the US. Build a house, u own it. Car? u own it. So if you lose your job or business, u have the car as your property.  Try that in the US.

I will not be ignored

You know what? Screw this!! I am no wise man in my old age but I know one thing. Stuff isn't how folks always make it out to be. I am having a child and I don't see why I have ACCEPT being a second class citizen in my own home.

I don't want none doting on me. Shoot, u don't have to make me dinner every night. I survived without a woman outside college and I did fine by myself. All I want is acknowledgement.

That child that everyone will be cooing is created due to me. No, I didn't carry the child but I am JUSt as important in the process as the woman. Don't believe me? GO ask those single parents out there if a Dad for lil Shola.

let's face it, I like being the central focus. Maybe I shouldn't have had a child. I know I can live my life simply about me but living for something other than me is the way to go. My heart says so. I guess my biggest fear is that my spouse will get all her emotional sustenance from caring this child and only give me the dregs.

Here is something I don't agree about that people tell me.
My life should revolve ALL about the child. That is wrong. I want to pour my lfe into my child but I want to keep some of my life left for me. I need life for me. My wife needs life for her.

I can't live all my life through my children. that shit isn't healthy.  They are my children right? If I love them, care for them, pray for them and provide for them, I am doing better than 80% of the world population. If you don't believe me, check the specs of world poverty.

We do STUPID stuff and salve our consciences by saying" Oh it is for the kids.." No it is stupid and u shouldn't have done it for the child that might not even appreciate it.

These children will leave me one day and I will be alone AGAIN with my wife and I will be damned if I now have to figure out how to live alone with my wife!! I married her for her not her ovaries. I WILL not beshuttled aside contantly ignored becuase the kids are calling.

My children will wait for me dammit.

Now I realize Ihave folks shaking their heads saying stuff like
"He doesn't know.. what til he gets that child" it may be so but I have heard that shit all my life.

I don't need a 2000 sq ft house for my children. I don't need a Minivan or a SUV to cart my kids around. I don't need to take out a loan so that they can go to private school. If I can afford it, GReat. If not, then they go to Public school and we give them extra homework.

What I want is a wonderful kid that loves his Mommy and Daddy. I want to invest in my kid's life and make sure that He or she grows up to a great person that bring life to other people.

I love my wife and I Know that when I married her, I knew that I would still be in love with her if she gave me no kids. Call me Draconian,old school, misguided all u want but I will not be ignored.

I need my crack!!

As I sipped on my 4th glass of Lemonade a week ago, I realized something. I am freaking addicted to this stuff!!! This isn't some nice, suburban "hello neighbor" addiction.

This was a full blown, New jack City, Boyz in the Hood addicted. I needed it. I wanted it.

Remember that cat from Boyz in the Hood? Come on baby.. I will do anything. I will s...." Well maybe NOT that bad but it wasn't a coincidence that people referred to Limeade as my "crack".

I have used many words to describe my like for lemonade. Drink of du jour. favorite flavor, taste that slaps me on the face. it didn't matter as long as I got me some Limeade cartoons every time the wifely unit cruised by the grocery store.

I even had a Limeade radar. As I drove by the store, i would go and buy a cartoon as so. JUST in case, my supply is running low at home and I needed a re-up.

**today's The Wire reference was brought to you by the Makers of Minute MAid Limeade. DRINK IT!!**

I would drink it if it had a limeade base to it. Alcohol? Lime flavored alcohol?? AM there!!! Lime flavored hookah?? HELL YEAH!!

I remember being agitated during meals because I didn't have Limeade with my steak and i contemplated running quickly to the store to grab a couple cartons. One might think that is no big deal but when the spousal unit declares the feeding time, Any attempts to leave the table are punished with flying cutlery.

Say what u want but a flying spoon can be freaking deadly to an eye. Don’t get me started on her fork throwing skills.

But I digress...

I didn't know when to stop. 5 glasses of Limeade, 6 glasses. 1 carton and a half in one day. It all depended on how I felt. Of course, no stomach can handle that much sweet and sour before the bowel launching a revolution.

It took 2 insurrections before I realized that
I had a problem. I couldn’t stop sipping on the stuff. I needed to get control of this. If not for me but for my kid!! I needed to be strong for the kid.

What kind of role model would I be if he saw me curled up at the corner, drooling, rocking back and forth from a sugar crash?? Desperately grabbing his bib to suck some of the sweet sweet baby formula out..

So I decided to stop. Cold turkey. Knock limeade off my diet for the foreseeable future. Quit. Take control of myself. Break the Habit.

That lasted 2 hours then I got restless. Agitated. No idea why at first but I couldn't sit still. I didn’t have anywhere to go but I needed to do something. I started cleaning stuff.

Re-arranging paper on my computer desk.
Cleaned out my car.
Alphabetized my graphic novel bookshelf.
Organized my DVD collection in alphabetically with attention to genre consideration.

After doing all that, I sat on the couch looking longingly at my tooe nails wishing that I could bite them. it was THEN i realized how much trouble I was in...

I don't know the limits of my willpower but I knew I was setting myself up for failure. I had to face the fact that I was a Limeade sugar crack fiend and needed to be weaned off the drug not cold turkey.

At this rate, I would be polishing the metal railings on the first floor of my apt building. I live in the 4th so you figure out how crazy that is.

I needed a sugar methadone pill . Something sweet yet not my crack. Something that I might use to get my thru these tough times.

Wifely unit to the rescue!! Faux chocolate drink with sugar free sugar. Ordinarily, it would have tasted like Sugar free ass but THIS time. it was like frenching the goddess of Sugar and bliss. I sucked up that scalding, taste bud, searing, hot cup like it was the last thing I could ever drink. I was sated.

I went to sleep. I think I am better now. I am not as restless. Even though, my work desk hasn't been this clean. My boss took notice when I whipped out the wood polish and start working on a dull part of the table that my monitor has scraped raw.

I think I will be ok.. I think i will.

Not posted in a while.

Why? Facebook. Joined it and I can write notes and tag specific people!! A lazy man's blog if you will. I guess I will double post some of the stuff I wrote there cuz at least I have more control on this blog as opposed to the FB stuff abi??

Today's WTF???

http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/breakingnews/world/view/20080110-111467/Masturbate-a-Thon-coming-to-Copenhagen

OPENHAGEN -- Hot on the heels of San Francisco and London, Copenhagen is to host a Masturbate-a-Thon in May which organizers hope will help break lingering taboos about self-love, an organizer said Wednesday.

Pia Struck Madsen, a sexologist in the Danish capital, said her goal was to see men and women from all backgrounds come together -- pardon the pun -- and join an event that promises "pleasure, relaxation and sexual self-discovery".

"Masturbation is positive, safe and an erotic alternative," she told AFP ahead of the event on May 31, to take place at a yet-to-be-decided venue with separate rooms for men, women and those who don't mind mingling.

The original Masturbate-a-Thon took place in San Francisco in 1998, with participants raising money for good causes. Now an annual event, it was followed by a similar event in London in July 2006.

I tell u folks, u can't make this shit up.

Seriously.. WTF??

http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/01/07/cake.irpt/index.html

 

Seriously.... what the heck?????

Iphone thots.

it has been a interesting time since the Jesus Phone was released. I was very happy to see this phone come out and watch the reaction. Again, Apple has shown that if you create a revolutionary interface, people will forgive other faults. The Iphone isn't perfect but it is pretty freaking sweet.

The battle to unlock the phone has been pretty fierce. I had predicted a new market of Iphone unlocking businesses and soon enough we had the first Iphone sw unlock. I will not give you the links but go to gizmodo.com and search for Iphone. LOTS of info there. Infact, they have a filter to remove all Iphone posts for folks sick of the iphone jibber jabber.

Anyway, Apple released a new update that caused sw unlocked iphones to be useless! ! TORPEDO and the sw unlock biz gets shot to death.

Apple has been very protective of the Iphone. I will not use the other words that people have used but suffice to say they were a lot stronger. "No 3rd party apps" they said initially.

Now they intend to ease that door open a little bit more. I don't know why they didn't tihnk to do this. FOlks would pay to have that nw fangled prog on their Iphone. These folks already paid $500 for their phone anyway..

DOnt get m started on the Iphone credit. That was brilliant.

Anyway, I still haven't gotten a Iphone cuz I am not crazy enuf to spend that much money on a phone. I also can't switch networks.. I will bid my time. A better Iphone will arise and when it meets my terms, I will pounce. til then, I will lust from a distance.

Crank that Lion King???

Lord knows I can't make this stuff up. The guy is pretty good though.




Seriously.. what is next? Crank that Alien vs Predator?

Do i really need to say much about this. Doesn't the pictures speak for themselves???? Oneof those days, i am soo glad I had a camera with me. Do the flames indicate speed or the dark fires of hell as he crusies down the interstate? I wish I knew the owner. I would hope it would a jolly fellow with a sense of humor. If he turned out to be a goth, not so funny after all.

How do u sign.. " Hi, are you a top or a bottom?"

Have u ever asked yourself wear deaf gay folks go to meet guys? Talk about a small demographic. I mean, before the internet, that must have been HARD.


Twisted mind wanderings brought to you by Spiritual Ninja.

Little swimmers.. Alittle late eh?

Little swimmers: A well known term used to indicate sperm. Especially used ina context to indicate an attempt in fertilizing a woman.

Also, I didn't realize a popular diaper for babies.

I saw this product in the target store and I was very amused. Little Swimmers. Diapers for babies to splash around. named after the splashers that got them to wear they are right now.

I would say that was due to efficient little swimmers that these little adorable poop machines were created so it is kinda wierd to be wearing clothing that point to your origin. I thot it was funny and strange all in all.

The Ipod Touch..

 

 http://images.apple.com/iphone/features/images/ipod_hero20070905.jpg

 

All I can say is FreaKing Sweet!!!!!!

My wife, man head kicker, cricket hater.

My wife is a Taekwondo black belt.

Her idea of fun is strapping on pads and gloves and kicking people in the head. IN The Head. Especially male sparring partners.

As we dated, she regaled me with stories of how she learnt numerous disabling moves to do and offered to show me said moves. Naturally I declined.

She can get out of a full nelson.

Blow out my knee without much thot

She can do more sit-ups than I can.

In short, my wife can kick my ass.

Why does THIS scare the living daylights out of her? It is a freaking cricket and it happened to get into the house.

I am nestled in the midst of a lovely cuddle when her screaming makes my blood curdle.

I turn, expecting this behind with a meat hook aimed for my anus but I see this.

That is a far cry from a Jason clone with a meat hook aimed for my anus. A far cry indeed.

It makes no sense. She loves kicking men in the head yet crickets are anathema.

I am fully convinced that upon sighting a cricket and given a weapon choice of a shoe, bat, semi automatic or flame thrower, my wife will heft that flame thrower and lay waste tot the entire apartment. As long as lil jiminy doesn't make out of the inferno.

In all fairness, the cricket in our home was a lot uglier than Jiminy. Not by much. Jiminy would have still been flame roasted.

Crank that Souljah Boyz vs Holla if you hear me MasterP

 just when I am getting a full head of steam cursing out the people that like stuff like Crank that souljah boy and it's dance.... I remember that at one time, I thought I got master P was crunk. Everytime I listen to Master P these days and hear him groan.. I shake my head in shame.

 

my generation bought his CDs and grew up and now hhold their noses up to Souljah boy??? we be hypocrites.

What sort of disturbing thots have u had?

Out of the blue, i get these thots in my head. Not often but when I get them I want to physically scratch them off my brain. As if their existence is perverting me into some deviant or nutjob. I don't know why I think them. it just happens now and then. I

have learnt to NOT share them with close people. Every time I have done so, they have given me a look that spoke volumes. Usually the" the man could be a serial killer for all I know of him" look is prevalent.

Here is one of them that hit me recently. Do gay men yearn for anal penetration? Say what u want about homosexuality but the anal cavity isn't built for entry. Plus, spin it however u want, it is where poop comes from. Poop has been coming out there so long, there is no way to cleanse it of the poop smell.

So I would imagine that any entry into the poop zone will get some parting gifts depending of the penetrated's diet.

So do they yearn for it or get used to it? I dunno but I regretted thinking this thot because it spawned a follow-up thought.

Are there gay men that don't want anal sex just fellatio? **shivers**Are those men actually gay???
I think participating in anal sex is a different level of commitment than man on man mandingo manhandling. Even lesbians utilize the vagina but gay men.. they got no vagina. the poop hole is all they have.

I scare myself sometimes. Can I even ask a gay guy this question? This is defintely not ice breaker conversation.

Poor Poor Millionaires

 

Read this NY Times articles about Millionaires not feeling like Millionaires. Now, I was very intrigued. "I wonder if these are stock millionaires on paper" I thot as I clicked on the link. Well, I was right and I was wrong. Some of the whiners in this article did have $1- 5 million in the bank but were still toiling away trying to maintain their lifestyle.

 

One person was quoted to NOT be able to maintain lifestyle if they stopped working whilst being a millionaire. I almost fell off my chair invoking the spirits of Stupidity to reach out and strike this man down. I mean, what kind of expenditures are u rocking that doesn't allow you to live off a couple million????

 

Yes, they live in Silicon valley but BITCH move!!!!!!! Come to Texas!!!  Sell that $750000 "dream" home and buy a $300000 dream place by the lake that has EVERYTHING u had in Cali but only bigger. Then u can use the ~half a million you have left over to DO WHAT THE F**K you want to do.

 

What is this some sort of gilded rat race?  They are in the 1% of the world's population in wealth and you are pulling 60 hour weeks and clocking in on weekends? WHY? For what? My problem is that there are folks making a quarter mill a year and living the Vida loca.

 

What is the point of having millions yet u spend 750000 on a house??? I swear, we are amazing creatures us humans. How we get used to so little and still survive yet folks have soo much and they still sound like they don't have enough.

 

there was an adjoining article that spoke more to what I was taking about. making do with $10 million. $10 million !!!!! This guy spoke of friends that spent a quarter million on a car but rarely takes it out cuz he is scared of getting a dent on it. Parks it miles away cuz he doesn't want folks to ding it. You would think that rich people like that would be smart enough to see that he could have bought 4 E class Mercedes with that money. Shoot with a quarter million. Buy one Mercedes and pimp it out so it has dent proof covering!  If u can put Purple ostrich skin covering on your car, you can get dent proof covering dammit!!

 

You know, the root of it all is vanity. Dat is all it is.  things you just GOTTA have..

 

A $500k house in the "right" neighborhood becomes a $4million place.

$250,000/yr in Mortgage

$50k in taxes

$100k /yr in private schools ( walahi!!)

$50k for private college.

$50k for Summer home.

$250k for country club fees- Dear God in heaven..

 

U know what? If this is what is to be rich then I don't want to be. This is scary how much money u have to spend to be among the elite.

 

now granted, not everyone rocks a million dollar home. If u go from 4 mill to quarter mill then u have spent a lot less but  u gotta wonder on where the sweet spot is. That point where u earn more than u spend and save enough. I don't know if there is a magic number of earnings. I think it is a matter of state of being.

 

I don't care who u are but with $5 million in the bank with 8% interest, you should not have to work again. Sell your million dollar (paid for!!) home and move to saner parts of the country.  Move to Austin where u can be just as snobbish and fake but for a LOT less money. Beat that!!!

Da Ringtone biz??

T-Pain told folks that he got a couple million from ringtones sales off his new album. Isn't that wild? I like the idea though. Hopefully, the artist gets a bigger chunk of the sales of the ring tone biz than the record biz. The issue is that the ringtone prices are crazy!!! $2.49 for a snippet of a song? i can BUY the song for $.99 and re-rip to mp3 and edit it to ringtones! Don't get me started on illegal d/ls.

Isn't it funny that rappers are bragging on their ringtone sales. Ringtones sales??!! WOW. I guess the music industry is changing somewhat. Of course, i dunno how much each artist gets for each ringtone but i will take any way to connect directly to the artist. Or connect closer to the artist.

So now, Common comes out with Finding Forever. I can buy the album for $9.99 or buy 4 ringtones for $10. Now which one makes Common more money? I wanna know. Right now, i am leaning on getting the album cuz I can't pay for a freaking ringtone. Especially when they are more expensive than Itune files.. they are crazy!!! As long Audacity is still open source.. and Windows Mobile phones use Mp3, I will never pay for a ringtone...... Again....

Kamikaze Shot blocker

Been a while y'all. A lot has happened since my last post. Actually, I was unable to blog for a while. What happens when you shatter your elbow. Yeah, shattered not broken not sprained or strained. Shattered.

How did it happen? All for defense baby. DEE-fense!! My friend went to the hole for an easy layup. So that little kamikaze voice in my head started screaming “ Block his shot !!! Block his shot for the motherland!!”

Like a good soldier I obeyed the call and went for the block. Now usually I go for the ball but that day I wanted to make a statement!! I wanted to block the shot out of the court and into another zip code!!

For the motherland!!! For the....MOTHERF*** PAIN PAIN, OMIGOD so much PAIN!!!

According to bystanders, I got a gleam in my eye as I saw the player heading to the basket and I leaped into the air screaming words in Japanese! My amazing jumping ability propelled me from the ground so fast, I careened into the player. The player seeing my massive ups, cringed in horror and flailed to avoid the inevitable embarrassment that comes form trying o score on me. Or It could have been that i was screaming in Japanese.

The collision knocked my legs out from under me and my arm got pinned to my side. I landed right on that elbow and my hip landed on the elbow. It was perfect. All my weight on that elbow. Bystanders said that there was a snap but all I remember was PAIN PAIN PAIN.

I thot it was a bad sprain or muscle injury but I couldn't lift my arm. Naturally, I was not gonna play ball so I went home for some TLC from the Super Wifey. My arm was throbbing man.. couldn't move it much so we rolled to the hospital.

Now I had just hurt my arm and thot I understood what was pain. Every bump on the road was painful and turns sucked. I have never hated turns and curves EVER in my life. A lengthy 45 min wait, I got an xray.

Usually, an xray is a good thing but Not today. I can't understand why after SHATTERING YOUR ARM, the xray technician wanted me to place my arm in positions that require me to be healthy and pain free to do!! I was not having it. The tech needed to get another technician to hold me down. I was not happy about taking those xrays.Not happy? I was PISSED!!

The doc I saw, told me that I had broken my elbow. Put me in a sling.. PAINFUL!!! Couple weeks of rehab and I would be ok. She was very cherry too. Told me that this kind of injury really is great for arthritis for the rest of my life. I was like... thanks good to know.

Wifey felt a disturbance in the force when dealing with the doctor so we went to another one and they told me that I had a shattered elbow and needed surgery. SURGERY?? CRAP!!! how am I gonna pay for this? I got coverage but these sucker still cost!!!

All this for a blocked shot??